8 Big Uh-Ohs! in Movie History

Forget movie twists, any writer can tell you it was all a dream. The real challenge in making a movie that people get into is the ‘Big Uh Oh.’ That’s the point in the movie where life is never going to be the same for the main character. For example, ‘Uh-oh Dorothy is running away from home. Here comes a Twister!!! Now that’s a Big uh-oh. We’re not in Kansas anymore!’ Get it? Okay, cool, let’s proceed with some of the Biggest Uh-Ohs, in no particular order.

Vertigo Scottie (played by James Stewart) blows his cover when Madeline– Uh Oh! tries to kill herself by jumping into the San Francisco Bay.

2001 A different kind of big Uh Oh, 2001 presents the viewer with a jarring cut from a bone thrown in the air in prehistoric times to an orbiting space station, letting audiences know anything can happen, and probably will. And then does.

The Wizard of Oz Okay, I used it as an example, but it’s definitely one of the best, fascinating Uh-Ohs in movie history.

The Last Boy Scout As the movie starts, a football player runs down the field to avoid being tackled. As an opposing player comes to tackle him, the player with the ball pulls out a handgun and shoots the opponent, uh-oh. He improbably makes it to the end zone and turns the handgun on himself. Big Uh-Oh. Just what kind of movie is this? While I agree this scene borders on the absurd in 1991, it is oddly prescient of the media ultraviolence which would become commonplace in the 21st century.

Double Indemnity This one is pretty easy, but also interesting, because of the flashback structure, we’re already saying uh-oh when Neff starts his tale, but the Big Uh-Oh comes when he and Phillis decide to commit murder, most foul.

Toy Story Uh oh, theres a new toy; Big Uh-Oh– I’m lost with him!!!

Close Encounters of the Third Kind Despite being voted off the AFI 100 Greatest Movies list 10th anniversary, Close Encounters remains a masterwork and when Richard Dreyfuss encounters alien spacecraft, the audience says uh oh, but when little Barry is presumably abducted, the big Uh Oh has commenced.

Psycho Hitchcock again proves he is the master of the big Uh Oh, when Norman’s ‘Mother’ murders the little uh oh personified by Marion Crane in the shower and creating a big Uh-Oh.

Surprise! He doesn’t want the money.

Half Hancocked

I know that, as usual, America probably won’t agree with me on this point, but Hancock is not very good. It COULD have been good. It was certainly a cool concept: Reluctant superhero with amnesia drifts through life bungling rescues and generally being disliked until he somehow becomes motivated to improve. Even the Soderbergh-esque docu-style filming COULD have been cool. But it was too noticeable, taking us out of the story every time the camera “artfully” refocused or got all up in someone’s nose.

Charlize Theron usually puts forth a decent performance, but in this case she could have been any ho-hum blonde actress playing the wife of a do-gooder PR man with SECRETS. Even when her much foreshadowed mystery is revealed, she doesn’t get any deeper. Instead, they substitute character development with lots and lots of dark eyeliner. Sam Raimi already tried this.

Jason Bateman, playing the aforementioned PR man, is also squandered. He is known for excelling in the awkward reaction shot arena. But here, they keep the camera far away from him during the moments that count and instead stick them into Will Smith’s constant “Whatchoo Talking About Willis” mug.

Most of the jokes are juvenile and repeated ad nauseam. I liked the old “insult triggering violence” gag better the first 100 times I saw it in the Back to the Future movies. I can’t for the life of me figure out why that one kid has a French accent. Is it ONLY so that he can be named Michel? So that for 5 minutes it sounds like Jason Bateman’s son is being beaten up by a girl? I bet that it is. And it’s a crappy joke. In fact, the whole movie seems to be suffering from some sort of an identity crisis. As a comedy, it’s not very funny. As a sci-fi drama, it’s lazy. The big twist is hinted at for too long and then rushed so that the big smashy ending can happen.

Also, (SPOILER ALERT) why is it that people who are supposedly hundreds of years old talk like they are from…I don’t know…modern day WEST PHILADELPHIA?(End Spoiler).

Every good idea in this film is half-assed. Allegedly, the script was floating around Hollywood for years. Too bad it didn’t float to a re-write desk.

We had the chocolate chips, the flour, the sugar and the eggs. But somebody forgot the baking powder and we ended up with a big pile of mush called Hancock. It doesn’t matter though. America loves them some Will Smith cookies. As for me, I’m on a diet

The Dark Knight, A Review (not by me)

Here is a review on the dark night from The Rolling Stone by Peter Travers. I still cannot wait to see it!

The Review

Tags, batman, batman review, christian bale, coming soon, internet-tv, july 18, media, Movie Reviews, new batman, new releases, streaming movies, the dark knight, the dark night, tv

Disney’s Dumbo, When I See An Elephant Fly!

When Walt Disney delivered Dumbo to RKO Pictures for distribution, the studio demanded that the film be lengthened from its 64 minute running time or cut up into short subjects. Disney refused. RKO then suggested that a 64 minute film would work better as a B-movie, under a live-action picture. Again, Disney refused, and the frustrated studio bosses at RKO released Dumbo as a feature length cartoon.

Released on October 23, 1941 Dumbo was instant hit with kids and adults. Although Pearl Harbor and the United States entrance into World War Two two months later was at first thought to be a hindrance to the film’s success, audiences wanted a distraction from the horrors of war, and this made Dumbo extremely profitable for Walt Disney’s company.

Dumbo was the first Walt Disney picture to be released on videocassette. It was released in 1981 for rental only. In 1982 it was put on sale for the first time. Dumbo has never been out of print, since then. Therefore, it’s fitting that Dumbo is part of the first group of Walt Disney pictures streaming on ReelTime. Almost 70 years after its initial release, Dumbo still entertains young and old, with a classic story that resonates with anyone who has felt like an outsider.
Dumbo
Tags: 1941, disney, dumbo, streaming video

http://blog.reeltime.com/rtime/img/reviews/DUMBO.jpg

Hulk Smash!

Go green or go home! Incredible way of saving money on gas, power, energy, election predictions and more. No wait it is just The Incredible HULK!

Here’s a shocker. I actually liked The Incredible Hulk.

In general, with these sorts of movies, it helps to have low expectations. In this case, they were as such because of all the whining I’d read from star Edward Norton about how all the best scenes were cut. I recognize that Eddy wasn’t in and therefore probably hadn’t seen any of the action sequences, and, as a result, had a very different image in his mind as to what the final picture would look like. But surely he must have READ THE SCRIPT which no doubt contained stage direction such as “HULK notices abandoned police cruiser, smashes it in half with his fist and then uses each half to beat the pulp out of TIM ROTH MONSTER”. Furthermore, I find it difficult to believe that the cut scenes were SO TRANSCENDENT that this VERY comic book-esque film would, with their inclusion, somehow be transformed into high art. There is just no way.

So at the start of the film, after a fun little montage which catches us up to speed, we join Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) living a quiet life in Brazil, watching Portuguese Sesame Street and taking lessons on how to make your stomach concave. He has also taken a job in a GREEN soda bottling plant which primarily employs brutes and supermodels. All the while he is messengering with a scientist back home as they work on attempting to cure his affliction. His location is compromised when some of his blood gets into one of the sodas, thus poisoning Brazilian Soda enthusiast, Stan Lee. Bruce Banner is on the run again! Teaming up with his estranged girlfriend, Betty (Liv Tyler), Bruce must find his scientist friend and cure himself before Betty’s daddy gets a hold of him.

Ironically for Norton, the biggest problem with the film is its attempt to follow in the footsteps of other comic book films of late, and make this fantastical story somehow relevant to the real world. X-Men works on an allegorical level. Iron Man and Batman are almost plausible. But a scrawny dude exposed to lethal levels of gamma radiation, who survives but gains the pesky side-effect of, whenever he gets angry, scared or excited, turning into a 9-foot-tall ball of testosterone? Who is also GREEN? Because of the radiation? I’m sorry to burst your bubble but THAT COULD NEVER REALLY HAPPEN. So stop trying to act like an IFC Films-approved version of the Hulk story is possible. Stick with the “Hulk Smash” which, in this case, works really well.

Unlike the first attempt at a Hulk movie, which pretty much everyone agrees sucked, The Incredible Hulk really captures the spirit of what the Hulk is like when he’s all Hulked out. While he’s a completely different entity than the mild-mannered Bruce Banner and certainly not what you would call an intellectual, he’s not a monster either. He knows who the bad guys are and he smashes accordingly. At no time do we think he is going to hurt Betty or any other creature of light (like, say, kittens). But if you have evil in your heart, Hulk knows it and you are screwed. I think this is an important point that was completely missed in the first movie. It explains why Hulk eventually becomes part of the Avengers. Bruce Banner yammers on about finding a cure and living a normal life yet he is compelled to help people. Deep down he knows he has a calling which will make his life complex but ultimately more meaningful than would just boning Liv Tyler and playing with beakers.

Without a doubt there are many snicker-inducing moments in The Incredible Hulk. For instance, the prevalence of the color green. I’m no scientist, but I have a hard time believing than gamma radiation poisoning (even this special variety) turns your blood cells green and you know you are cured when your blood cells once again turn red. Also, did Bruce Banner turn down jobs at other bottling plants who were making orange or grape soda? Is General Ross really a Midori Sour man?

What’s more, let’s talk about pants. I appreciate their attempt to explain how Hulk, whatwith his 80 inch waist, manages to keep his hulkhood covered by the pants of a much smaller man. Bruce Banner buys elastic waist pants! But it seems like after he buys some Brazilian hemp trousers, he reverts to the Double Denim look pretty quickly, even scoffing at Betty when she bring him the classic purple sweat pant of comic book Hulk. At the climax of the film, Banner is definitely wearing well-fitting JEANS that remain mostly in tact when he hulks out. They do MAKE stretch jeans, but the size difference is still too vast. Bruce Banner would have to rock the hip-hop-boxer-flash to accommodate the metamorphosis.

These are small criticisms, however, of an overall enjoyable film. Liv Tyler as Betty is sweet and likable (albeit unconvincing as a molecular biologist); a welcome replacement to the cold, wooden Academy Award Winner Jennifer Connelly. She brings much genuine affection to her character’s complicated relationship with Bruce. You really feel for her when she begs her father to stop trying to kill Hulk and when Bruce insists on jumping out of a plane with uncertain results instead of staying behind and being her boyfriend.

Likewise, Norton adequately channels the tortured altruist that Bill Bixby brought to the character on the TV show. Tim Blake Nelson is super character-actory as the over-exuberant scientist who may or may not have found a cure for hulkism. Tim Roth is always at his most compelling when playing a villain. In this case he uses the desperation of an aging solider as the motivation for undergoing experiments which would give him Hulk-like abilities and later cause him to ravage the city in a fairly awesome smash battle.

In short, The Incredible Hulk is a smashing good time. Especially if you hate helicopters as much as Hulk does.

Tags, go green, save money on gas, cheap gas, green, green electricity, edward norton, the incredible hulk, the hulk, movies, new movies, movie reviews, download movies, stream movies, new releases, hul, liv tyler, tyler

The Real Love Guru

I’m not too familiar with the work of Mike Meyers, but it seems to me he’s trying to become some kind of later-day Peter Sellers. I’ve heard some pretty wild stories about his on-set antics as a prima dona, which make me hesitant to work with the guy, but truthfully, I’m sure they’ve said the same about me, on occasion.

No, I didn’t see The Love Guru (2008) this weekend, but neither did most of you out there in the Magic Kingdom. What I did do was get a call at about 2AM Sunday night. I was having a sauna in the carriage house at the time when my phone vibrated.

It’s a young friend – the English director. He’s shooting a movie in Tunisia and the ol’ ball and chain is giving him problems. Two artists, you know? I just don’t think it works. Better you find yourself a nice young schoolteacher, Guy, I tell him, like my first wife. He’s freaking out a little, I imagine he’s in his trailer, either they’re waiting for him on set, or he’s got a little time before they start waiting on him. We met at Cannes in ‘98 and kept in touch. I liked his style and I’m always interested in the European sensibility. I don’t know the wife, but I do know, as you know, yourself, she’s a big star. I never quite got her, to be honest. Disco was never really my thing.

I tell him this, but he’s unimpressed. He’s in love. Have you told her this, I ask? He grumbles. The worst part of it all, he says, is that she leaves the cap of the toothpaste covered in sticky blue goo. She does? This sounds like a sexual problem, to me, Papa Freud. Are you two shagging, I ask. Not in a long time, he mopes. We’re too busy.

There’s your problem, I say. I tell this to my kids, all the time: ‘if you’re too busy, maybe you’re too busy.’ They don’t get it, but The Director does. I should get down to Malawi, huh, he says. Get down, babe. Get down.

I press the phone off and pour a plastic cup of water onto the rocks. Steam rushes up with a hiss and quickly fills the room with white smoke. I can’t believe the kid listened to me. I give ‘em six months.

Tags, reeltime, movies, movie streaming, movie reviews, new releases, the love guru, mike myers, at the theaters, reeltimes, funny, austin powers.

Indiana Jones: A Joke?

So this time on my reeltime blog I am brining you normal movie news:

Indiana Jones and the story of the lost script:

http://www.the-editing-room.com/indianajones4.html

Movie Review at ReelTime:The Happening

This week at ReelTime movie reviews, The Happening

This weekend I saw M. Night Shamalyan’s The Happening! True, The Incredible Hulk came out, and also true I love, love, love, love computer animated movies, but c’mon, guys, this was the guy who gave us Lady in the Water! I had to see it! So after Twins of Glimmer practice with Renald, (where I did an extended-extended version of Emotional Rescue, which we will probably include on our upcoming CD, FYI.) we went over to the theater.

And I was not disappointed! I should warn you that is a very strange movie. Even stranger than Lady in the Water! But wow it packs a punch! I’m not really even sure what it’s about – something causes people to start killing themselves in big cities in the Northeast. There are lots of theories, but no one knows why. And then it stops, just as mysteriously as it started.

Much like The Birds, there is no explanation for the “act of nature.” It just happens. The Happening, get it? It reminded me of the time my cousin Andrew fell from his roof trying to get his Frisbee. He fell and hit the fence around his house. If he would have hit the ground, he would have died, but the way he hit the fence, he just got cut really bad. It also makes me think of that movie Magnolia, which wasn’t a fave because it was so darn long, but they talk about how strange things happen all the time. And that is so true!

The only thing I would have changed is that I would have had Zooey Deschanel singing at the end, because she is a good singer.

Hey, if you didn’t notice it’s summer, again!!! And it’s darn hot! I am going to go get an Otter Pop and chill inside. I’m thinking The Quick and the Dead (same director as Spiderman, natch!) CYAZ!!!

They might look bored but they are scared out of their minds.

Three Word Movie Reviews

Today on ReelTime movie reviews: Three Word Quickies!

Hey this is the Internets, you don’t have time to read!!! Plan your weekend according to my handy-dandy 3-word movie reviews and save yourself some time!

YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN
Sandler offends intelligence.

MONGOL
Braveheart in Asia.

KUNG FU PANDA
Animated Asian stereotypes.

THE PROMOTION
I don’t care.

IRON MAN
Drunk becomes hero.

INDIANA JONES & THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
Geezer fights commies.

SEX & THE CITY
Girls want love.

THE STRANGERS
Boring Bag heads.

NARNIA
Talking lion returns.

BABY MAMA
Girls want babies.

FORGETTING SARAH MARHSALL
Already forgot it.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Senility

I know I am late to the Indiana Jones/Crystal Skull party and a review almost a MONTH later is pretty irrelevant but it’s my party and I’ll blog if I want to.

So why did I put off seeing this movie? For starters, I knew…I just KNEW that it was going to be a profound disappointment. So I waited. And waited. And when I could wait no longer, I saw it.

And it was…National Treasure. Think about it. Replace Harrison Ford with Nicolas Cage, Shia LaBeouf with that snarky side-kick who also played the retarded boy in Gigli. Swap Karen Allen with that kind of dull blonde lady whose name escapes me and then pretend El Dorado is somewhere is hidden somewhere in the midwest. It’s National effing Treasure. IT IS!

Of course, I LOVED the National Treasure movies. But let’s be honest. They aren’t…shall we say…GOOD. They are profoundly silly. Interestingly, critics were calling them the Indiana Jones revival. In this case, the student has become the master and the master has regressed. They took their 25 year old franchise and turned it into a National Treasure fan film. The biggest problem with this is that Harrison Ford is no Nicolas Cage.

Don’t get me wrong. Harrison Ford…or at least Indiana Jones (and Space Indy, Han Solo) were my first childhood crush(es). I’m fairly certain that his characters affected, at least physically, the type of man I am attracted to as an adult: Scruffy looking (who’s scruffy lookin’?!) fellows with a perpetual 5:00 shadow, glistening with sweat and a bit of chest hair poking out the top of an unkempt dress shirt. A dry wit and a bit of an ego don’t hurt either. Especially if they can save your ass from Nazis or voodoo and sweep you off your feet. Ah…Venice.

In contrast, while I adore the acting of Nicolas Cage, I don’t find him or any of his characters the least bit attractive. Sure, Wild at Heart’s Sailor is romantic as hell, but he’s already losing quite a bit of hair at such a young tender age. And his snake skin jacket may be a symbol of his individuality and belief in person freedom but…it’s a jacket made of SNAKE SKIN. Tell me…was it a CORN snake?

So the problem with Indy 4 is that Indy/Ford (at this point they are interchangeable) is just TOO DAMN SERIOUS to pull off the cartoonish feat of surviving a nuclear blast at ground zero by hiding inside a fridge while the gophers from Caddy Shack snicker in the distance. The monkey and giant ant shenanigans and even reluctantly gripping a CG snake to get pulled out of quicksand by the Fonz…those things are for a different sort of actor and a different sort of movie. NOT for Henry Jones Jr. He is supposed to be the STRAIGHT MAN. The only jokes he make should either occur during or result in a fist fight.

I suppose I’m not surprised though. My heart was already broken by the Films That Shall Not Be Named. I knew that George Lucas had lost all his marbles. I hoped that Spielberg would reign him in. But he’s not so great anymore either. It makes sense. As you age, your perspective shifts. You become detached and you can no longer relate to the young. You can’t understand what they want and you don’t really CARE what they want either. You have earned the right to do what you feel because you have been around the block, damnit! What this scene needs is a few more hilarious animals. CAN WE GET SOME MORE MONKEYS IN HERE PLEASE?!

Their treasure wasn’t gold. It was gophers. Gophers were their treasure